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Task 2 · Opinion (agree or disagree) · Crime

Community sentences instead of prison

An agree-or-disagree essay on non-custodial sentencing, where the band 9 answer accepts the reform and rejects the line the question draws.

The question

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Some people argue that offenders who have committed non-violent crimes should serve their sentences in the community rather than in prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A 250-word discursive essay — the half of the paper that carries two thirds of the marks. This prompt is original, written in the standard format for teaching purposes — it is not taken from any past paper.

What separates the three answers

All three support community sentences. Only the 9 notices that violent against non-violent is the wrong criterion and proposes a better one.

The three answers

Band 6.5

250 words (the task asks for at least 250)

The answer works. It addresses the task, the reader follows it, and the meaning survives — but ideas stay general, linking is mechanical, wording repeats, and small errors are visible throughout.

The answer

In many countries the prisons are very crowded and the cost for the government is very high. Because of this, some people believe that the criminals who did not use the violence should do the community service instead of going to the prison. In my opinion, I agree with this idea, but not for all the cases.

Firstly, the prison is not a good place for a person who made a small crime3. Inside the prison, he will meet the dangerous criminals and he can learn the bad things from them. After he comes out, it is very difficult to find a job because the companies do not want to employ the ex-prisoner. So he can do the crime again, and this is bad for the society.1

Secondly, the community service is cheaper.2 The government spend a lot of money for every prisoner every year, and this money can be used for the schools or the hospitals. Also, when the offender is working in the community, for example cleaning the parks or helping the old people, he is giving something back to the people who he hurt4.

However, some crimes like the big financial fraud are not violent but they destroy many lives. In this case, I think the prison is necessary, because the punishment must be serious.

In conclusion, I agree that most of the non-violent offenders should stay in the community, but the judge must look at every case separately, because some non-violent crimes are also very serious.

What an examiner notices

  1. 1. Task response

    “So he can do the crime again, and this is bad for the society.”

    The reoffending argument is the strongest available and it is compressed into half a sentence. An examiner is looking for why the release conditions make the next offence more likely, not merely that they do.

  2. 2. Coherence and cohesion

    “Secondly, the community service is cheaper.”

    The framing gives the cost argument the same weight as the reoffending argument. Coherence includes signalling which idea carries more of the case.

  3. 3. Lexical resource

    “a person who made a small crime”

    Crimes are committed, not made, and a minor offence is the natural phrase. Collocation errors of this type recur throughout and are the clearest ceiling on the score.

  4. 4. Grammatical range and accuracy

    “he is giving something back to the people who he hurt”

    Object relative requiring whom, and The government spend two sentences earlier repeats the agreement pattern. Both are recoverable, which is why this is 6.5 and not lower.

One honest caveat

Band labels here describe what each piece of writing demonstrates against the four published assessment areas, paraphrased in plain language. They are teaching illustrations produced for this site, not official material, and no sample has been marked by a test provider. Real scripts are marked whole; two answers with the same label can still look quite different from each other, and nothing on this page can promise anyone a particular result.

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